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Stress Free KidsEveryone wants stress free kids.Homework. Bullies. Little brothers. Piano lessons. As adults, we don't give these much thought, but to a kid they can be as stressful as tax deadlines, difficult co-workers, in-laws, and starting a new job are to grown-ups.
To a kid it's not a little thing
A child's ability to cope with stress is hampered by the fact that they are still developing self-awareness and the ability to think objectively and analytically about their problems. They have not yet gained the perspective to separate big problems from little ones. They are also still learning how to apply solutions and coping strategies in their lives that integrate their personal strengths and weaknesses. Kids in stress really need their parents' help to learn how to recognize, think about, and work out their stress, so they can become stress free kids. Remember that what seems trivial to you now did not when you were their age. To a five-year-old, a broken doll is every bit as upsetting as your rear-ender.
Help your child learn how to deal with stressIn addition to the usual signs of stress adults display, a child in stress may have lower school grades, behavior problems, and bed-wetting.Parents should stay alert to changes in their child's functioning and intercede to help them figure out what's going on. Sometimes a kid is just overtired or hungry, but sometimes, something is happening at school or with their friendships or activities that is troubling or frustrating them. Talking to your kid will help the two of you uncover the source of the stress, and you can then guide your child to consider how to resolve or manage the situation. Kids need to learn skills like assertiveness, self-care, self-discipline, and patience to cope with the stress in their lives, and parents can guide them in acquiring these skills. Don't forget that the way you yourself handle stress sets an example for your kid. Consider letting your child in on your own stress management strategies. For example, when your kid sees you take a deep breath or wince about something, stop for a moment and explain what is bothering you. Then tell your child what you plan to do to handle your own problem. Here's how it could work:
You: I'm sighing because I have a big deadline coming up at work and it's stressing me out. You know how we have talked about handling stress? Kids react to adult stressKids are also affected by their parents' stress. They can begin to show signs of stress themselves when their home environment is populated by especially stressed-out adults. Kids are sensitive to their parents' every move and mood, so take your kids' reactions into consideration when something big is going on with you.It is best to be honest with kids when they ask you what is wrong. First of all, kids know when something is wrong. They depend on you for their very survival, so they have learned to read you like a book. Lying to them teaches them not to trust you, but also not to trust their own intuition and observation skills. Think of a way to put things that is truthful without containing too many scary or confusing specifics. You don't have to share grown-up details, but give kids enough information to make sense of the disturbance they are feeling. For example, if you are having money problems, don't tell the kids you are worried about getting evicted if you can't pay the rent, but do tell them that the family is short on money right now and everyone is going to have to watch their spending for awhile to get some bills paid. You can even enlist their help in getting through the problem, such as by having them help keep the grocery bill low by looking for the best prices on items and not asking you to buy them extra stuff. Getting them involved allays their feelings of helplessness and teaches them that problems have solutions.
Kids have their own stressors, too
Help your child talk about these things. Honor their feelings of loss and fear before you start trying to convince them that everything will be o.k. Kids also have their very own life transitions to deal with. Starting school or daycare can be very stressful for children. Tantrums and separation anxiety are common responses. Be patient with your kids, but also firm. Reassure them and give them time to adjust to these new surroundings and routines, but don't let their distress make you relent about leaving them at school or with the babysitter. The tantrums and tears should begin to subside within a week or two. Keep in mind that your child's stress in these situations will be stressful for you, too, so make sure to activate your own stress management tools! Helping your child with stress management early will benefit your kids enormously and help them grow into well-adjusted, flexible adults who successfully meet whatever challenges arise in their lives. You, too, can raise stress free kids.
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Stress NewsIt's National Stress Awareness Month!Did you know April is National Stress Awareness Month? Since 1992, thanks to the Health Resource Network, Americans have a month to focus on the problem of stress and how to better handle it. According to HRN's website, health care professionals and people who promote health are disseminating information and leading forums, discussion groups, and community events to raise awareness and educate the public about stress.
There's also a National Stress Awareness Day -- April 16, the day after taxes are due.
Which may make it a great occasion on which to reflect about starting your taxes
earlier next year. Gene Reduces Vulnerability to StressIf you handle stress well, you may have mom and dad to thank. UCLA researchers studying the IL6 gene and the biochemical pathway that triggers it have discovered that people who have a less common variant of the gene may be more able to withstand life's stressful events. The IL6 gene controls the body's immune response, causing inflammation when activated during the body's "fight or flight" response to stress. The most common variant of IL6 is associated with cardiovascular disease and cancer, and people with this variant have an increased risk of death for 11 years after suffering a stressful life event severe enough to trigger depression. But a less common version of IL6 lacks the pathway for stress to trigger it, resulting in no increased risk of death following major stress for those who carry it. The study will appear in an upcoming issue of the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.(UCLA News Release, 2/10)
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Stress During Learning Affects Ability to Remember StuffIf you want to retain what you learn, don't try to learn it when you're under stress. German researchers subjected people to stress (immersing their hands in cold water -- ouch!) while they were learning words. During recall and recognition tests 24 hours later, the numb-handed people performed less well than control subjects who were not exposed to stress during the learning exercise.(Journal of Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 2/10) |
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